If you can’t help, at least be hot
May 24, 2009 Uncategorized
I HATE GUITAR CENTER!!!! Yes, I’m yelling. I hate it. HATE IT!
First off, the moment you walk in the store you’re instantly smacked with the sound of some guitar amp that apparently actually does go to eleven. Better yet, it’s being played by some long hair who is playing all of your favorite hits from the year 1987, probably because he hasn’t left the store since that year (although, he hasn’t purchased anything yet either).
Then you get the joy of dealing with an eager, yet unknowledgeable, eighteen year old Guitar Center employee. That is, you talk to him after you stand their waiting for twenty minutes waiting for him to wrap up his current discussion on double bass technique with some other customer (who also leaves without purchasing anything).
I’ve had more horrible experiences dealing with Guitar Center then I have had buying cars, and that’s saying something. For example, the last time I went to a Guitar Center I saw a great hi-hat stand. I’ve been on a bit of a crusade lately to lighten my gear because I’m sick of schlepping a hundred pounds of gear in and out of every gig and this stand was nice and light weight. So I ask the Guitar Center monkey… I mean employee… how much. $34! Awesome. Drum equipment is usually ridiculously expensive and I half expected a price three times that. So I tell him I’ll take it. This is the point where all Guitar Center experiences go bad. He starts fidgeting with his computer for a few minutes while I desperately try and keep my two-year-old daughter from banging on every drum in the store. He finally tells me that he can’t ring me up because the computer says they don’t have any of these stands in stock (despite the fact that I’m holding it in my hands). So he goes to find a manager. Annoying, but whatever. But that’s when things get stupid. The manager comes back and tells me that he can’t sell me the stand because they don’t have any in stock. I stare at him for a second before pointing to the stand that I want to purchase. “It is in stock. It’s right there” I say. He then tells me that the particular stand I want belongs to the drum set that it’s sitting next to on the floor and therefore can’t be sold to me. However, he does offer to order the stand for me. LAME! I don’t want them to ship it to me because knowing Guitar Center they’ll ship me the wrong stand. This is horrible customer service. Sell me the freaking stand and then order a new stand for the kit on the floor. Anyway, the end result was me leaving their store without the stand that I wanted, because they didn’t have it in stock. Instead, I went to their competition and bought a great stand that I’m very happy with. Now I’m not a betting man, but I’d give you pretty generous odds that the stand I wanted, along with the entire kit it “belonged” to, are still sitting on the floor at Guitar Center.
Leaving the store that day I had a sudden revelation. I’ve come up with an idea for a new company that’s going to put Guitar Center under once and for all. My new music store is based around one simple premise… if you’re going to hire cheap, unknowledgeable, and unhelpful sales staff, they should at least be hot! The basic idea is to cross Guitar Center with Hooters. It’s going to be called “G-Strings (Where Rock meets Hot)”. I’m going to make a killing!